WTF ?

Another binge what the fuck,  I'm I  trying to be the biggest gainer. Was I even  listening  when the guy said stop eating at 8pm. Well at 8pm I gain it a moment and as time past I thought well a little cake won't hurt so at  8:05 pm I ate again and again and again. I'm 238 pounds I'm throwing myself under the bus.

 It seems  at night I have some kind of license to binge. Overwhelmed at this point. It takes a week to two weeks to lost one pound and on the flip side it takes a DAY AND A NIGHT to gain it all back. Do I have to lock the refrigerator door. Has it come to that or do I have to any fight left in me.

I am a fighter and I don't give up easy so why oh why do I feel so defeated. I read blogs on how folks have lost the weight and how it feels good and what they are doing now. I understand and support each and everyone of them but them when a crisis hit who do you run .

In recovery for AA or NA it states remember where you come from / or you will be destiny to repeat.
I didn't remember I got relaxed I thought time and time again that I had this under control and that I could handle anything. I was getting boastful and cocky with it all the time.

Now look at me I want someone to feel sorry for me that I gain all my weight back. I deserve no pity.
So I going to post my weight again through out the week till I get down to a healthy weight.

My long term goal is to lose 50lbs .My short term goal is to lose 30lbs. Right now I just want to get out of these freaking 230's.  Let's give a date that is only right - 90 days /10 pounds a month- 30 pounds down. Sounds good for someone who is in it to win it.  But remember my old friend food.

And to add to that my track record is not good and I can't be trusted with food. I will not post anymore goals until I can achieve the first goal which is 8 pounds by July 10, 2010 that's three weeks.  

I will check as often as I can to let you know how things are going. 

Holla @ your girl