What If .......

What if  I really beat this disease?
It is a disease you know I can no longer hide
It grips me up and takes control of my insides
It is a very powerful urge, this is how it sounds in my mind.
Go ahead take two who is looking, one more we need one more scoop
I sometimes look around to see who the hell is it that is hovering over me encouraging me to eat.
And each time I look I get the same results it's me. It's the internal voices inside of me.
I can't calm it down and sometimes I can but those days that I can are very rare.
I need self help books in my life not to stop me from doing something crazy in my life but to help me not to eat myself to death.
OK if you have read all nine lines above this one you know by now I fell off the wagon again. I ate 700 calories in the matter of 10 minutes. After it was over sometimes I feel very guilty and eat again nope not me no Guilt! I didn't eat again only because I fell asleep.
So here it is Thursday our biggest loser weigh-in and I have lost how much . Let's do the math  4 scoops of ice cream two packs of  cakes @ 250 calories a piece. How much did I lose I WILL WAIT FOR THE ANSWER.
Until then I will get on the wagon and shamefully admit my guilt no I am not defeated yet because I have the nerve to want to try again.

Holla @ your girl.